Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.

Nursyafiqah.
March-1989.
RP-ian/ DBA.
Orange-Madness!
friendster
The secrets


" The love of the world, is the root of all evils."

"Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them."


May 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
May 2009
September 2009

8:31 PM

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I am pretty exhausted now but I just couldn't sleep. I really don't like to be in this kind of situation whereby both my body and mind are lethargic and yet i just can't seem to be able to sleep. haiz.. Super annoying.

I terribly miss having my mama at home. I've been feeling rather empty ever since she's been warded in hospital. The house seems super silence without her existence. And i have not been looking forward for each new day to come. Having to wake up early in the morning without a touch of a mother makes me sad. I really miss walking by her side, holding her hand whenever we go out. I want to do all those things that we used to do together again..

School work is piling up. FYP FYP FYP. Fyp alone can make me go bonkers. Then there's PP which i have yet to complete. And CE points to clear.
I'm begining to feel the pressure. Can i just fastforward this semester?

Finally, today, i've gotten myslf a membership card from thefaceshop! yeah. It's not easy to get the membership card know. I've got to spend a total of $100 to be able to be a member. And the good thing is the amount spent does not have to come in a single receipt. Thanks ah liana for contributing your receipt to let me get the card. :)

Now i'm contemplating. Should i go school tmr or not? Cause right now i am totally worn out. Hmm...

11:14 PM

Friday, April 11, 2008

Things aren’t going to be the same,
Everything’s going to change.
It happened out of sudden,
It happened out of anyone’s expectation.
Grieve, dejected, gloom, confusion; all fused into one.
The degree of sadness is measureless;
The kind of sadness too deep for anyone to possess.
Nothing in this world matters now,
Getting back to normal is what I hope for now.
Faces of you keep picturing in my mind;
Wondering when can we share that happiness again.
I pray, I pray, and I pray…


That pretty much summarizes the feelings deep inside me. No one expected it to happen. I guess this is my fate. My family’s fate. And I’m still trying to accept this fate. It happened out of sudden; worst, we are unprepared. I’m confused and I don’t know if I should blame anyone here. Maybe I should not. But I think I should. If that stupid heartless jerk had offered any kind of help needed, I won’t be fuming with rage now. You jolly well know it’s your fault and yet you ran away with your guilt. What kind of person are you? I think I can spell it out for you; S-E-L-F-I-S-H! You dare drove off after knowing you’ve hit a small vehicle trying to maneuver its way out from danger. How could you mister! Yes, if you’ll have guessed, I’m here talking about a hit & run case. And, my parents happened to be the unfortunate ones to be the victims. So what if you’re carrying passenger(s) at that point of time. Can’t u just see that their lives were at stake when it happened? Where’s your sense of humanity?? Where?? Cruel shit. My father was waving frantically at you from the back hoping that you’d stop; why didn’t you? Why?? Now look at what you’ve done to my only mom! The damages done to her body are pretty bad. For your reckless driving, my mom has to pay the price. Thank you mister. I hope you’ll face a series of unfortunate events in your life in times to come. I really hope you will.

Oh God, I don’t know how I am going to face the world now. Everywhere I turn, everywhere I go, I keep picturing the memorable moments that we shared. Knowing that I can no longer do those things that we used to together again, makes me sad. It really saddened me to see you in the state you’re in. I can feel the pain that you’re feeling. God, I’m begging you to please release my mom from this suffering. Please, ya Allah. I can’t take it. I really can’t….

11:38 AM

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hi all,

My birthday has just passed. Like I said before, I wasn’t expecting anything for my birthday but my loved ones have made it a memorable one. And this entry is a tribute to them.

Throughout 19 years of living in this world, I have learnt a lot of things. It is by going through the tribulations in life that had taught me the real meaning of hardship. And definitely it has made me a wiser person. I have come to realize that life is short; way too short than we could ever imagine. The distance between us and death is very close; too close like two pieces of paper glued together. And it’s all just a matter of time; the right time for one to go. No one knows when their time to go is. I am not an exception. This realization has shaped me who and what I am now. I am in the process of changing myself into becoming a better me. I have vowed to myself that I’ll carry out my responsibilities as a daughter, student and a slave to God without fail and with much faith.


Looking back, I had been someone who always tried so hard to fit in everywhere I go. I was arrogant & ignorant to a lot of things around me. I often took things for granted and wasn’t appreciative. And I’ve made countless of mistakes; one after another without taking any of it as a lesson to learn from. I was irrational most of the time and acted based on my emotions. This inevitably brought trouble to me; double trouble. But now I am thankful to God that He still loves me albeit all the stupid things I’ve done. A lot of 2nd chances were given to me and yet I took them for granted. I have finally come to my senses. The incident that took place at the end of the year 2007 was such an eye opener for me. And I got a grasp of the message that He had sent. With that, I decided to change for good.

I am grateful that God had put several precious people in my life. These people have been my source of inspiration and encouragement whenever I felt like giving up in anything I do.
My family; they play a huge part of an important role in my life. Without them, I won’t be where I am today. They have also shaped who I am today, my qualities and my characteristics. My mama & papa, they are my idols. They have sacrificed a lot for me. Nothing in this world can compare to all the things they had done for me. And no words can ever describe how much I love them. My brothers, though we are far apart in almost everything, have been part of my source of inspiration to work hard in achieving success. My sister, she has always been my listening ear and a best friend to me. I’m beginning to cherish every single second spent with my family. I loved them more than anything in the world. In other words, they are everything in this world to me. And I can’t conceive of my life without them.

My friends; they also play part of another important role in my life. From the closed ones to the acquaintances, they all have parts to play. I may have known a lot of people and made a lot of friends in my journey of life. BUT there are only a few of them that I am relatively closed with and I can really relate to. They are the ones who really understand and know me inside out. They appreciate the whole me and are not judgmental towards me. Let me take this opportunity to dedicate a few lines to them.

I’ll start with Salwa. Salwa has been my real good, best & closed friend ever since we were in secondary school. We started to be friends only when were in secondary 2. We weren’t really close then but as time go by; we began to hang out together and started sharing a lot of things. She had been by my side whenever I felt down. She stood by me in whatever situations I faced and in whatever I do. She had been my source of motivation to study hard and score in my studies. She never fails to make my day. There were times that we did go through several rough patches in our friendship; we still manage to get things back on track. I can’t find any suitable words to describe how much she really meant to me. And here I am trying to express my gratitude to her for all that she had done for me. Though we aren’t close now like how we used to be, she’s always on my mind & in my heart. I will never ever forget the times we spent together and the memories we shared. This, I promise. :) and I hope we’ll still keep in contact in years to come. & thank you very much for the date on 27 march 2008. It was such a heartfelt moment.


Next is Azizah. I’ve known Azizah for only 2+ years and I’m thankful to her that she has always been there for me. Initially before we started as friends, I never thought that we could ever get this close. Then, we were bonded by an IG in RP. We became friends. We discovered that we shared a lot of common interests and naturally we got closed. Like Salwa, she has been by my side and never fails to make my day. Whenever she’s around, I can just be myself and be crazy like nobody’s business. I don’t have to worry about what she thinks about me. There are some useful lessons that I picked up from our friendship along the way. She has definitely taught me a lot. One of the most important things I learnt from her is the importance of family bond. Then, I have never really appreciated the value of family bond. But after a while of having her as my good, best & close friend, I have come to appreciate every little things my family has done for me. For that, thank you very much Azizah. I hope our friendship stays as it is even though we are going on two separate paths now, like you said. I wish you all the best in you future endeavors and may you succeed in your studies. If you ever need my help, I’m just a phone call away. I’m more than happy to help you. :) & thank you very much for the date on 28 march 2008. It was also such a heartfelt moment. :)

And last is Azalina. I’ve always regarded Azalina as a big sister to me. We were in the same class in our first semester, first year in RP. That was how we knew each other. We became friends and gradually got closed. But sadly, she left RP just after a few weeks of semester 2, year 1. I could still remember vividly the times that we spent together when she was a student in RP just like me. With her around, I had the motivations to attend school everyday. I did not have to worry of not having anyone to befriend me in school cause I thought having her is good enough. She was the one whom I could look up to in school when I needed help. And since I hanged around with her most of the time, there were a lot of things that we did share. Now, it’s a shame that we weren’t close like we used to be. May be because we’ve gone our separate ways and that both are busy with each others’ stuffs. Nevertheless, she’s always in my heart and mind. And I can sense that she still do keep me in her mind. Telepathy you may say. She’s been missed much by me. Hopefully we could reunite one fine day aite. :)

Also, there are some other friends that I did not mention here. They are as important as the three that I’ve mentioned. Without them, my life would be dull. Though I rarely contact some of them, it does not mean that they are forgotten. I always remember them in my prayers, together with the three I’ve mentioned. To ALL my friends, thank you very much for all your care and concern towards me. I really appreciate your existence in my life. You guys are such a blessing.:)
Ok I guess I’ve said enough. I’d like to end my entry with a big THANK YOU to all those who have made my life worth living. I sincerely love all of you. Thank you :)

Labels: thank you

10:30 PM